youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
