Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
