If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
