Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
