i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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