Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
