I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
