if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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