im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
