Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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