I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
