And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
