i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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