if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
