I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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