I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
