so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
