I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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