dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
