i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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