can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
