I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
