omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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