Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
