M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
