Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
