you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
