Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this boner is exhausting
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
