we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
