I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
