You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
