I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
