I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
