:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
