How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
