Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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