Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
