He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
even my farts smell like vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
