that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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