we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Text me some of your sweat
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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