can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
