Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
