I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
