Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
