...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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