I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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