I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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