I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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