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I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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