the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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