stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
