I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
