The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
