I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
