She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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