new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
