shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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