I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
