Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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