It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
