Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
