Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
