i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I did not marry a roomba.
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