I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My feet surprised me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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