So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
