This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
