Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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